The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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