He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
