The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
