Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
