I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
