so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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