from now on my penis is your penis
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
