): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
