Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
