So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
