my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
NoShamevember. You game?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This is my gift to your gina
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
