Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
