The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize