So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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