think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
