Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
