you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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