also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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