After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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