I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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