JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
