DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
