I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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