It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
