dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
