it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
