why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
