Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We talked him into tasing himself.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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