just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
