hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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