Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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