i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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