It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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