just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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