i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
