and you said cock pushups were impossible
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
