I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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