i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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