Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
