Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
