I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
this is an emotional support booty call
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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