Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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