Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
