you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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