Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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