Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
