it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
