So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
