I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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