Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
