when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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