I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
