It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
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I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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