I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
its not stalking. its research.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
