They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
