oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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