their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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