Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
