Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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