Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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