I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
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you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
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You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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