So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
