Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
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So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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