So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize